Day 75: celebrations

Hello interwebs friends!

I hope you’re all doing well!

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I worked all day and it was super duper slow. It provided a lot time to bond with my workmates which was fun. We jammed out to some 70s, 80s and early 00s music, shared some wine, and had a great work day. Afterwards, Kevin and I went to the grocery store and waited for the minions to get home from their dad’s house. Kevin gave me my Mother’s Day present: public butt touches and Legos! Always a winning combination!

I’m super excited to build this set. It’s an Architecture set. I haven’t tried one of them yet. It’s 400 some odd itty bity tiny pieces. I’m super stoked to get real angry, then super excited when it’s complete. I’ll be sure to post the progress of that.

Last night after the kids came home, Cayden come up to me and said, “Mom! I have something for you!” And handed me this:

Mothers Day 2017

This kid.

#BME = #bestmotherever

He’s so funny sometimes. On his mother’s day card, he wished Kevin and I happiness as we get married. He thanked me for supporting Autism Awareness. He made up silly words so that his poem could rhyme. He made me tear up and laugh. He really is a good kid.

Today is that goofball’s birthday.

Cayden 2017

He’s 11 years old. Oh boy. Eleven years old.

The other day I went to put my chin on his head and I had to lift my head UP to rest it on his head. My mind was blown. He’s growing in to a little man. Ughhhh.

He was born the day after Mother’s Day in 2006. So here we are, 11 years later, with almost the exact day situation. Weird, right?

I was so angry on that Mother’s Day. His Nana had told me that I “wasn’t a Mother until the baby was born” so I didn’t get anything that mother’s day in 2006. I was so angry at that sentiment. Being pregnant wasn’t easy for me – I was super sick and in the hospital because I was so sick. Although he wasn’t born at that point, he was created and I was taking care of him – that counts as being a Mother.

Being a mother is a truly life changing experience. I really don’t know what my life would be like without my kids. I’m not quite certain I would still be here, to be honest. I couldn’t ever bring myself to take away my kids’ mom. That’s probably one of the worst and most selfish things. They haven’t done anything to deserve that, so they help me to keep moving forward and to keep pushing through.

They’re good kids.

I took myself shopping for Mother’s Day today. I needed summer clothes since the meds have caused me to gain even more weight. In a way, the meds dwindling away isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’ll give me the opportunity to lose some of the weight. PLUS we are going to get a new elliptical this weekend so I can do that again. My hope is to replace what meds are doing naturally with eating and exercise. I can do this. I’ve done it before and damnit, I’ll do it again. I’m on the right track and I know it.

I’ll get there.

I really do appreciate everyone’s support. This truly has been an amazing and humbling experience. In the dark times, as I’m struggling, people’s messages and comments continue to blow me away. The level of support and kindness is…. is amazing. I really do feel like people are pulling for me, rooting for me to succeed. I need to do this not just for me, but for all of you who believe in me.

I don’t want to let anyone down. Especially myself.

Baby steps.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.


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