Day 62: keeping busy

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I don’t quite know if I agree with this or not.

I keep myself busy. All the time. Keeping busy keeps my mind occupied and therefore I don’t think unwanted thoughts.

I had too much time to think today.

We were super busy all day at the bakery, which is good. I had some mentally draining customers (not bad, though – let’s not confuse things), but overall it was a good day.

Boy child has his spring concert tonight. I’m excited for him. It just makes me sad for my family living as a unit. There are some nice things with the kids being split – it’s a little less stressful…. but there’s nothing like having everyone under one obnoxious house-filled roof.

It’ll be another three years until we can *maybe* all be together again… And at that point, it’ll only be for another four years of high school and maybe two of community college …. I’m pretty sure Boy Child will bolt for freedom when the opportunity comes.

Not having him with me makes me sad. It’s been this way for a few years and it continually eats away at me.

I’m not going to lie: it makes me feel like a failure. A failure to be able to effectively provide for my child. Granted, I *am* effectively providing for him by making those difficult decisions for his benefit and personal growth, but he has to do it mostly without me. It has slowly been killing me. While it’s nice to know there is a possible end in sight, it still makes me sad. I miss my kid.

He’s now almost as tall as I am and everything just starts to hit you like a freaking mack truck: this kid is growing up to be a little independent human and in not so many years – he will be an adult making his own decisions.

We blew his little mind last night. We told him about Kevin’s new job working with medical marijuana. Boy child’s reaction was appropriate and absolutely freaking hysterical. We were in tears laughing. We calmly explained to him what he would be doing, the laws, etc… Then we shattered the “parents are flawless” viewpoint that kids have.

I sat with him and he learned that I am a human being who makes mistakes. I feel it’s important to be real with your kids. They need to know. It’s okay that we are human and make mistakes… We are going to try our best not to, but when it happens, we learn from our mistakes and move forward.

He understood. He’s such a good kid. I miss my kid.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.


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