Day 14: two weeks down, a lifetime to go

Last night was full of dreams… and not necessarily great ones. I woke up with a start and my hand was numb. I have an overall feeling of anxiety today that I’m having a hard time shaking.

Now that the initial meltdown stress has subsided, I’ve been thinking about the wedding, summer care for the kids, finishing up my BCBA hours and coursework, if I get accepted to the doctoral program, the benefit, paying for everything, daily chores around the house, going back to work… it’s all starting to creep back up and it feels almost unsurmountable. I feel my heart beating in my chest and the anxiety running through to my fingertips.

I can’t get going today. I can’t seem to get myself started. It’s taken me 45 minutes just to type this post. I keep zoning out. Somehow I need to get through schoolwork, laundry, and exercise. I woke up late so it started the day late and it’s been an hour before even starting.

The struggle is real.

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