Today was one week from my meltdown. One week ago, I was on the brink of existence. I’m so very glad that I had the presence of mind to go get help. Real help. Legitimate help.
I have gone to doctors before. Lots of doctors, in fact, for a variety of reasons – some of them pertaining to how I am feeling mentally/emotionally. I was tossed on some random anti-depressant or mood stabilizer and called it a day. Except, clearly, that never worked.
Seeing an actual psychiatrist with an in depth working knowledge of what is happening with me makes a world of difference. The dosage of meds is going up plus another one…. and you know, I’m okay with that. I feel like she is present with me and working WITH me.
She said I am doing a great job and that what I have been doing over this past week is great and to keep doing exactly that. “So, Melinda, what have you been doing?” Most of it I’ve been fairly transparent about: making these posts, making to do lists, and trying to get out of the house once a day. I have been keeping my days semi-structured to ensure I stay on track with my schoolwork and have been trying to do some form of exercise every day. I want/need to develop habits over these next few weeks that I can continue to implement when I get the OK to go back to work.
I have been fairly introspective during this time as well, mostly wrestling with the questions: How did I get to this place, how do I get out, and where do I go from there? I think I have an idea. A pretty good one, really. We will see how it plays out.
I continue to appreciate everyone’s love and support during this time. It’s really difficult to get yourself the help you really need/deserve. It’s difficult to accept that help and stay the course while you adjust to a new normal. It’s good and weird and all a process. Thanks again, everyone, for hanging with me during these times, reading these posts, and being supportive. I don’t think I can say that enough.