If you haven’t noticed, I am a little Type A. I operate in a color-coded world with checklists for everything. I can go about things without a plan, but I definitely prefer and do better with one.
Sometimes having days off gives me anxiety solely because: there is not a plan.
Knowing that I was not going to work today, I sat last night and made myself a to do list. Basic things, really, but I need to keep myself focused and on track. Household chores have fallen to the wayside because of all the stress and so has schoolwork. Also knowing that I will not be onsite throws a wrench in the works of accumulating hours for my practicum. However, my supervisor and I have developed a solid plan so I don’t fall behind. It just means I have to keep myself on task.
So I created my nice to do list that blocked out time for various tasks, Kevin made sure I woke up with the kids this morning, and then I remembered: Kaylee doesn’t have school today (whoops! good thing I’m not working, right?). Thankfully, Kaylee is pretty great. She helped me with dishes, tried to do some yoga with me (which was pretty funny), and has been calmly playing while I did schoolwork for the past few hours.
Being able to focus shows in my module scores. I was getting 50s and 60s, now I’m getting 90s and 100s straight out of the gate. What a difference it makes – rest, focus, less pressure… all the things, really.
Soon I’ll make lunch for the Doods and myself, do some more studying, fold some laundry, and wait for the boys to come home.
And, seriously, I cannot thank you all enough for the love and support. It has made this transition more normalized? More ok? Acceptable? I’m not quite sure of the word, but I don’t feel like an outcast or misunderstood in any way. I feel very loved and supported during this transitional time. It’s going to be a long road and this is only the beginning. I know it will get better from here. I’m just grateful that it was my choice.