Day 140: on the up and up

Good things happen to those who wait… and work their ass off.

True story.

Remember a few weeks ago when I told you guys that I got hired by an ABA company? That’s still happening. It takes a little while because of paperwork, getting approved by the state, so on and so forth, but the start day is near. I recently got an email with what my pay rate will be and my jaw literally dropped. I will be over doubling my income in half the amount of hours doing what I love.

I will work at the bakery and do ABA and live a comfortable life.

Like… on my drive to pick up the kids after work yesterday, I started to tear up. I thought about the new house, I thought about the updates we need/want to do, I thought about decorating, I thought about vacations! VACATIONS!! We will be able to afford vacations!!! You guys, vacations.

We won’t have to be strapped or paycheck to paycheck. We can breathe. That is so amazing. It’s a position in life that I’ve dreamed about for YEARS. Living modestly and comfortably with the ability to travel and experience life/the world… Oh man. The future is looking pretty good.

Of course, we still need to get the down payment together for November. It’s just nice to know that once we are IN the house, we won’t have to worry about what needs to be done TO the house – that we will be able to take care of it, essentially, without worry.

Yesterday at the bakery was a good day. The day before was pretty great too. I went home sick on Saturday because I had a resurgence of the plague. I was super bummed because I really wanted to see the finished product of this Wheel of Fortune cake.

TIME OUT.

Did I tell you guys about the WOF cake? In short: I was kind of obsessing over this WOF cake. There was something about it that kept calling to me. After a few days of doing some CSI, a decorator said, “You have a sixth sense… that cake? Is for a boy with Autism.”

TIME IN.

Part of my job at the bakery is to take pictures of our cakes, edit and post them on our Flickr. I *love* this part of my job! Anywho, I was super stoked about this WOF cake, but I had to go home and miss it. I was super bummed. I came in on Tuesday and my boss gave me the nicest compliment and said, “By the way, I took a picture of that WOF cake for you – I know you had a thing about it.” I was blown away by her thoughtfulness and kindness. It meant so much.

Yesterday was a really great day, too. I took a cake order about a month ago for birthday cake. Of course, it’s not just ANY birthday cake, it’s a birthday cake for a boy with Autism. This little boy LOVES to do marble mazes – like the Mouse Trap kind. His parents brought in this really neat design that involved wrapping the pieces around the cake and, me being me, I said, “Yeah, we can do that!”

I told the decorator who was assigned the cake, that I would help out with putting the pieces together. So, I grabbed the big ol’ grocery bag of pieces, laid them out on some tables, nabbed the dummy cakes and started at it. As my co-workers would walk by, they would stop and play and put things together which was AWESOME. It turned in to like a whole bakery project. Literally, sales, café, our chef, a pastry chef, decorators – just about everyone got involved in the process. It was so awesome to see everyone get involved in this cake for this boy. I know it will bring him so much joy. We all had fun putting the marble in the top and watching it wind down and around the cake. We *know* it will be wonderful for him ; ) It will wrap around and the marble will land on a cupcake at the very end. I’ll be sure to post a picture or video when it’s done.

I just really love that people voluntarily helped with this cake. I was planning on taking a better part of a day to get it figured out. With everyone’s help? Less than two hours. Teamwork is amazing. And greatly appreciated.

Speaking of teamwork, another awesome thing that happened on Tuesday was at my study group. I surprised my study group with a visit from another classmate (who recently passed the BCBA exam) and one of our professors! It was really great. My surprise classmate knew about the professor, The professor didn’t know about the classmate and my study group didn’t know about either one. Everyone was so happy and excited to see each other, it made my heart smile. We had a really great discussion about study strategies, test strategies, expectations, etc. We decided to double up on sessions over the next few weeks, since the ladies are taking the exam on August 8th. My test day is August 21st. Fingers, toes, eyes, and legs crossed for a passing score for everyone!

Lot of good things so far this week. Hopefully the rest of the week follows suit.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 137: huzzah

Yesterday, Boy Child, Handsome Husband, and I made our yearly trek to the Bristol Renaissance Faire. It was absolutely lovely all day. The weather was about 70, partly cloudy and breezy. Absolutely perfect. On the way home, Hubs and I agreed – if it was any warmer, I would not have made it through the day. We are both super grateful for the weather.

As always we had a super fun time! One our favorite things to do is the RenQuest, which is a live action game you can play throughout the day. You try the different classes (Bard, Rogue, Mage & Warrior) then decide on which one you want to pursue. Each week, you can go back and extend the story, learn more about your class, etc etc. I wish we lived closer so we could go back more often and continue the quest. We are typically only able to go once a year, but the RenQuest gives more purpose and direction to the day. You get to experience things that you otherwise wouldn’t get to. You get to interact with all the players, it’s super neat.

Two years ago, BC tried being a warrior, last year he tried being a mage, this year I think we stumbled upon his calling as a rogue. The Rogue he trained with was so funny and positive, he truly helped it make an enjoyable experience. BC did an awesome job with all his tasks – sword fighting, story telling, “borrowing”, and casting a Confusion spell. He got to assist with the final scene, too. He was charged with making sure the “bad” guys didn’t get away. He took his job VERY seriously.

We were highly entertained all day. ; )

We decided to start a RenFaire jar once we get in the new house. We can collect change all year so we can get super cool stuff at the faire. We are going to start building BC’s costume with the accessory pieces first, since he has some growing to do yet. Kevin says I should be a pirate wench. We don’t know what he is going to be yet, but it’ll be somethin’ good I’m sure. HE should be a bard. That man can weave some tales. Funny tales at that.

This year’s cool crap haul included a drinking horn, a wooden mug, and a wand (guess who got what?). Can’t wait for next year! Hopefully we will get to the RenFaire again this year so we can play another episode of the quest. Time will tell.

In other news, I’m not certain there is other news…. I got my approval letter to take the BCBA exam, I have a really fun surprise for my study group tomorrow, we are still saving for the house, the wedding day is getting closer (ee!), and things are just kinda cruising along. I have to get BC to the doctor for his school physical/dental soon. I can’t believe he is going to be in 6th grade. SIXTH grade. When did that happen? I feel like they were just babies.

One cannot stop the passage of time.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 134: dear 8 pound 6 oz newborn infant Jesus

I officially got my approval to sit for the BCBA exam this morning! A wave of excitement and panic has been surging through my body since I saw the email. I registered and August 21st is test day. Dear sweet golden fleecy baby Jesus, let me pass this exam. Quite a few things are riding on the passage of this exam and I don’t really want to pay another testing fee, hah!

Boy Child is still sleeping off the sickness. Either that or it’s kick-starting the life change of puberty. Speaking of which, that kid had me DYING the other day. He will usually ask if I took any fun cake orders. Well, I told him that someone came in and ordered a cake in the shape of a peep. Not a marshmallow peep but a male person’s peep. He laughed so hard and was like, “OH THAT’S SO GROSS…… It’s not for a kid is it?” I laughed and said, “No, dude, it’s not for a kid.” He breathed a sigh of relief and went, “Oh good, ’cause I was gonna say….. wait. Why would someone want a cake in that shape???!!” The whole process of him thinking it through was hysterical. Then he says something like “Oh, I saw the video in 5th grade and it’s GROSS.” I asked him what he saw in the video. His reply was, “you know, adult stuff.” I said, “well, I *am* an adult so it’s OK for you to talk to me about that kind of stuff.” That’s when the conversation petered out and resumed to watching Frasier.

That kid loves Frasier.

It’s probably the only show that we have watched, sitcom wise, that he really gets. He likes Futurama and sometimes The Office, but he has really gotten in to Frasier. It makes total sense – it’s an intellectual humor show. There’s not much body language to watch or subtle humor or sarcasm – it’s straight dialogue and situational comedy. He GETS it. It’s funny to hear him laugh and see what he finds funny.

He is so super excited about the Ren Faire. Again, funny kid – we were at dinner on Wednesday talking about the Ren Faire. I said hey we need to get you a new wand (last year, he picked one out and it promptly got chewed up by Pepper). He said, “but doesn’t that cost money?” My Mom, Kevin and I were like…. Dude, if we are OFFERING to buy you something, don’t worry about what it costs – just say, “yeah, thank you!” and roll with it. He’s so interesting. He can be overly mindful and cautious, then be the most selfish and jerkish kid on the planet. Ah well.

Then there’s Doods. Eating the breakfast of champions: goldfish and cheese & an ear of corn. God help me. At least she is independent enough to make her own food when she’s hungry. However, she *did* use her tablet to ask Kevin for breakfast this morning, so I’ll take it! Baby steps.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 133: down with the sickness

Well, the great summer plague of 2017 has begun to attack more victims.

The kids were on vacation with their Dad for the past week. When they came back, Boy Child and their Dad said Kaylee had thrown up and was sick for two days of the vacation. All was well and good yesterday until right after bedtime, Boy Child puked. Poor kiddo threw up a second time last night and is completely passed out. Thankfully this only lasts about two days which is great because we have biiiiiiiiiggg plans for the weekend.

This weekend, Husband, Boy Child and I are taking our annual trip….. to the REN FAIRE!!! Super excited. It’s a place where BC can be amongst his own kind.

That’s one of BC’s great qualities: he does not feel bad about who he is or what he likes. There were two kids about his age yesterday that came in to get birthday cakes. They had NO idea what to get and/or were afraid to ask for what they want…. when they finally decided it was very clear that they were picking things that appeased their Moms. The Moms, interestingly, couldn’t understand why their kids had such a hard time picking what they wanted. All I could think of is Boy Child and how when asked what kind of cake he would want, he could give you 8000 ideas – each one weirder than the next. And it’s great. We are proud of him and how he is growing.

I had a surprise for the kids when they came home yesterday. I traded in the old iPad for two tablets. I opted for an iPad Mini for Doods and a Samsung Tab A for Boy Child. I put TouchChat software on it for her and still have some more programming to do. Now they won’t have to wait and share. She has access to it whenever she wants. We used the TouchID so only the few of us have access. Boy Child does NOT have access to Kaylee’s tablet. ; )

Forward progress for the chirrens.

In other news, I taught a class on Tuesday.  I was a guest teacher regarding ABA and Sustainability. I put together a presentation regarding Research Proposals (because anyone in ABA and/or grad school can tell you the importance of how to write a research proposal and/or paper) and my own Sustainability proposal. I walked them through the process and utilized their own real life scenarios. It went really, really well! I felt very comfortable with the vocabulary and questions that were coming at me. I know that if I wasn’t correct, the professor would have chimed in and corrected me…. that didn’t happen.

Afterwards, the class said thank you and it was super helpful. Some said they felt like they learned more last night than they have so far in the whole program. Others said that I should teach collegiate level. And one… well, one said, “Look, I think it’s great if you wanna decorate cakes or whatever because it makes you happy, but you have a real gift that should be shared.”

It’s still sticking with me.

I don’t feel bad about my choices. I’ve had to go through a lot to find a happy balance in my life. I love what I do at the bakery. I love that I’m ok and not great at it. I love that I learn and defer to others and work on a team. I love that I get to draw and create every day for people’s life moments. It’s wonderful and I love it.

I love my weekly study group. Not just because they are a fantastic group of ladies who radiate positivity, but also because I love teaching and assisting. I love seeing that “OH MY GOD, I GET IT NOW” moment. It feels so good to see confidence lifted and progress being made. I’m so proud of these ladies and I wait for the day in October when I get the message saying, “I PASSED THE EXAM!” Because, really, I *know* they will.

It puts a lot of pressure on me to pass the exam myself. I don’t always do well on tests, so I am concerned and have anxiety regarding that. Ultimately, I want to pass the exam so I can work as a Level 1, then get my supervisor certification so I can supervise and someday – teach. I would still like to obtain my PhD someday, but now is not the time. Maybe in a decade or so, once the kids are done with school and on their way as adults, I’ll have more time and can continue my quest to have all the letters surrounding my name. ; )

I still feel good about turning down the doctorate program. I feel super good that I got accepted but now’s just not the right time. My kids still need me a whole lot and I really want to get in to the house this fall. I’m so excited to have our own space with a yard and everything. I can’t wait to have a garden and compost.

In doing the sustainability proposal, I learned a lot about what I really should be doing to help my self and the future be more successful. We do what we can with where we are, but I’m beyond excited to have these opportunities and to teach my kids these important skills. I can’t wait to really teach them about living in a way that is environmentally conscious and develop skills that will help them be even more independent as they get older. To be able to harvest their own food – oh, man. That’s so great.

I’ve just had a lot going through my mind over the past few days and it’s generated a lot of anxiety. Kevin is wonderful. He could tell something was going on last night and that something wasn’t quite ok. So we laid and bed, he listened to me purge and then BC puked. I came back, laid down and he said, “You are a really good mom. You’re doing a really great job with them.” That made me feel good. He’s a wonderful man.

Back tracking a little bit, my ABA study group was too funny. On Monday, one lady goes, “Melinda, you should start a blog!” I said, “I have one!” lol They also suggested starting a Teachers Pay Teachers with some of the resources I have come up with to share. Not a bad idea at all. It’s something I definitely may start doing. I have all kinds of things that I have created that I would be happy to share. It’s all about sharing and the success of others. People helping people.

I hope you all have a great day.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 130: updates

I’m sitting and syncing my iPad in an effort to back everything up before heading to Best Buy for a trade in.

Over a YEAR ago, I started the process for Kaylee to get a device. She had the trial, we did the meetings, submitted the paperwork and for OVER A YEAR we have heard nothing. Complaints were made. Nothing happened. The deal is: Doods is on state aid. The state currently has about 24 providers and they are going own to like 4. They’ve known this for the past year and have been dragging out the process so that no payment will be made.

It’s all about money.

Because the state is so incredibly in debt, because the insurance companies are all about making money – this little girl remains without a voice. I made the conscious decision months ago that if this doesn’t pan out, to bite the bullet for an iPad mini and speech output software. Thankfully I know how to navigate the programs from my teaching experience. It’s a set back for the house, but Kevin and I agree on it’s importance. Every day she doesn’t have a device is a day she doesn’t progress forward as much as she could.

So, soon enough I’ll trek over to Best Buy and get a tablet for her and one for boy child. They don’t have to worry about sharing, she doesn’t have to wait for her voice, everyone wins.

We are going to need so much for the new house. Furniture and kitchenware for an entire house, for example. The first goal is getting the down payment. Then we move in to a house with almost nothing in it…. But at least it will be ours, right? Baby steps, I suppose.

I don’t have too much to report these days, which is all right. I’ve still been recovering from being sick. Yesterday was super busy at work so I didn’t get to eat until the day was over. User friendly tip: if you haven’t eaten all day, don’t eat a super heavy meal very quickly. It’ll make you want to puke for the rest of the night.

Allright, time for tablets.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 124: freedom is dope

While there is a whole bunch of shenanigans and malarkey occurring in our country today, one of the beautiful things remains: I can say whatever I’d like to about the craphole state of things. Thank you, first amendment.

I am grateful that I have the freedom, the RIGHT, to say what I think, say how I feel, love who I want to, vote for who I want to, own property, get divorced, have a job – these are beautiful things. I think they’re mostly taken for granted.

I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately. Just thinking about the future and getting myself all worked up in to a tizzy.

I’m still recovering from whatever cold-flu hybrid monstrosity that plagued my body last week. I just haven’t felt like eating. When I do eat, it doesn’t taste good or I take a few bites and I’m just kind of done. I mean, I had a full meal yesterday at lunch, but my stomach hurt so bad afterwards. I had breakfast this morning. Nothing major – toast, egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich…. I ate the whole thing and haven’t felt well since.

I woke up the past two mornings and just felt like crying.

I don’t know. I don’t get periods any more. I had a surgery so that I stopped having a period, but I still get everything else involved with a period – cramps, emotions, etc. It’s all to a lesser level than before, but it still happens and it’s frustrating.

I peopled yesterday. Like… hardcore peopled. For the first time in….. a very long time. I used to be super social. I would go out all the time, talk to people all the time, be out and about doing things…. then I got in to a not so great relationship that was on and off for like two years… and then I was basically a hermit for two years after that. The first year was simply because I couldn’t go anywhere because he would be there. He would find out where I was or where my friends were and show up there. If someone was parked at my house, he would text “who’s there? What are you doing?” Call me a whore or a slut and some other colorful choice words…. He always carried at least four knives on him and he bought a gun.

I worried about people when they came over, so I would have them park on the side of the house for a while and then just stopped having people come over. I tried to find new places to hang out, but he would find them so I stopped going out…. so I stopped having a lot of friends.

I have a very social, caring and supportive husband. He tries to get me to go out, people, have fun, but for whatever reason I can’t let myself go like I used to. I mean, I was never like a “partier”. I would be at the parties but I had kids at home who needed me so I was responsible.

Peopling yesterday was difficult. Maybe it didn’t seem like it, but it was. It took a LOT out of me. I’m not used to it. And everyone is in such different places in their lives and there’s so much history with each person…. Not bad history, necessarily, just history. Everyone is moving on and forward with their lives and I feel like, finally, with Kevin, I’m able to do that in a positive way.

I’m doing things I never thought I’d be doing, but in a good way. He makes me happy and laugh and even when I’m frustrated or upset with him, I still have so much love for him and he turns me to goo.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to let go and just be. Just exist.

I’m trying to give myself a break. Stop being so hard on myself. Stop placing so many demands and I think I am doing ok. But just OK. I can’t even give myself a break on giving myself a break.

Anyway.

It was nice to people yesterday, but I was definitely worn out by nightfall. I’m really glad I’m not the person I used to be. Sure, I had fun for the most part, but there were definitely things that I maybe should have chosen differently. You learn. I guess that’s the important part – learning from your choices and experiences as to not replicate them.

Welp. The kids should be coming home in a little bit from their Dad’s. Kevin should be returning from his quest to find food. My Mom is watching the Music Man as per tradition. I finished up my part of the ABA study guide and got this nonsense out of my head.

I hope everyone has a safe and fun Fourth celebration.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 120: a minute discourse on boy child

Home again today recovering from the great summer plaque of 2017. I’m feeling a little better today, but I know that game – here, feel a little bit better, now go overdo yourself so you come crashing down. Nuh uh, not playing that game. My tummy is still sour and that could pass any time…. annny time.

My son is an interesting little dude. His brain works in the most interesting of ways – sometimes good and sometimes worrisome. Apparently yesterday morning, he had a bit of a moment… Who knows what triggered it, but he was flipping out about those whom he has lost in his life and then started freaking out saying that I didn’t love him, am gonna kick him out, and not teach him how to be an adult or how to buy a house…. Apparently this is how his brain interprets “after high school, you’ll move out and go to college, then move out of the house and live on your own.” But, you know, hey…. The nice thing is that he talks about what his deal is.

I worry about him for two reasons:

  1. The fact that he creates this extreme scenarios in his head
  2. That he acts out because of them

That shit can get you in to REAL trouble with the WRONG people as you get older. I’m glad he talks to someone, though. And, also important: he listens.

He really is a good kid, he just has his moments. It’s those moments that make me worry about him. Hopefully he continues to talk with us as he gets older so we can continue to help him navigate through these situations. With the onset of puberty swiftly approaching: God help us.

Allright, time to try and nap.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 119: if you dream it…

My wonderful, adoring, handsome husband woke me up this morning. I was in a deep sleep and dreaming.

I dreamt we were at some fancy party at a really nice apartment in LA. Pretty much everything was white. There was a bunch of people I didn’t know, but they were (in my dream) acquaintances of my hubs. It was a food/edible party. Ham was involved. Anyway. I was sitting on the couch with a group of people who were talking. I asked if it was okay that I was sitting there or if I was intruding on their group. One guy said, “No! We love you! Of course you can sit with us!” The guy sitting next to me, didn’t look too hot, and slumped over like in my lap. I looked across the room at Kevin and a few others saw, got wide eyed and started to make their way over to me… but not quick enough – the guy puked in my lap. Then lifted his head as if to throw up on me, but I moved so his head went over my shoulder and covered his mouth so it wouldn’t go on the food.

Of course, I sleepily recounted this to Kevin and he just laughed the whole time. About an hour later, I threw up. Subconscious messaging? Probably. I’ve been sick for the past few days. Hopefully this nonsense passes soon. I *hate* being sick. Especially flu sick. It’s the worst.

I watched the Little People Big World birthing special today. I love babies. I loved working with babies. It’s so great to see the progress and development. Truth be told, I had a difficult time enjoying my kids as babies. Most because I wasn’t emotionally/mentally ready to be a parent at that time. I had a different plan for myself at that time.

But, here we are 11 years later, with two kids that are doin’ pretty all right. Boy child ran downstairs and insisted on giving me a hug before he left this morning. The other day he said, “Mommy, you’re not feeling good? I can make you a sandwich if you’re not feeling good.” Not quite sure how those are connected, but I appreciated his empathy. He’s such a funny kid. At times where I don’t feel like I’m doing enough or haven’t done enough, there’s moments like that which really show – I had to have done some things right. He’s a good kid. Obnoxious, but good.

Kaylee is improving, too. I’m super grateful for the amazing caregiver we have this summer. It’s the TA she has had for the past two years. She is AWESOME. She runs programs, takes data – how is this real life? We have been so blessed this year, honestly. Boy Child had his first friend birthday party, he got straight A’s, Doods is talking more, we have a great summer care provider, Kevin and I got married, I have a great job and about to start doing ABA part time…. While there was the rough patch a few months ago, I couldn’t be happier with the turn of events.

I’m so glad I had my meltdown. Truly. I don’t know many people who would say that. But, anyway. I am. Without the meltdown 119 days ago, I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in today. What’s the saying? Sometimes you have to crawl through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side. True story.

Anyway, I’m going to try and focus my mind on something so I don’t think about how sour my stomach is or the pressure in my face… or how much I want to pass out.

I have this thing, a paranoia, I suppose… In regards to napping. I’m afraid I’m going to miss Girl Child’s bus or not sleep later on that night. So I stay awake, almost painfully awake, because of it. Then at some point, I eventually pass out from exhaustion. I’m probably not the only person who can’t nap, but sometimes I feel like it’s a fault… Maybe it’s because I married the Super Sleeper – the man who can fall asleep in the blink of an eye. It’s a skill, really. I don’t know how he does it, but it’s impressive nonetheless.

Anywho, I think that’s about all I have for now. I’m gonna try and fill my brain with ABA terms until Doods gets picked up by her Dad and then maybe, just maybe, I’ll allow myself to nap…. Maybe.

I hope you all are doing well and evading the summer plague.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 116: I’ve got the plague

Not really BUT the traditional summer cold has finally made it’s way over to my body. I haven’t had a cold in ages and man am I grateful for that. The sinus pressure was so intense yesterday I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head. My wonderful loving husband helped take care of me last night – brought me lemon tea with honey and rubbed my face to help release the pressure till I fell asleep.

I dreamt of cake.

Not a bad thing, considering some of the OTHER dreams I’ve had. I’ll take dreaming of cake over unpleasant things any day of the week.

In other news I have tried to sign up to take the BCBA exam for the past week, but the website keeps crashing while I’m in the middle of doing the application. The crappy thing is that you HAVE to apply for the exam online – there’s no other option. I have to sign up by July 1 to take the exam in August. I’m in a little bit of a pickle. Their office is only open from 9-4 mountain time, so I only have a certain window to address the issues. Hopefully, I can get this settled today.

Speaking of behavior analysis….

I was at work the other day when a lady and her daughter came in to order a birthday cake. No big deal, happens every day, right? Totally. She says to me, “You look familiar, do I know you?” I said, “I’m not sure – have you been in before?” No, I haven’t. “Have you watched My Little Pony?” She laughed and we both kinda shrugged and went on with the cake order for her daughter’s birthday.

It was a really fun design and I love working with kids on THEIR birthday cake design. They love being a part of the process and customizing it for their special day. We get to the end of the process and decide to move forward with the order. I ask for her name and the light bulb went off – I snapped my fingers and said, “I know you! You own ****! One of the ABA companies I worked with at ****!” She said, “Yeah, that’s it! I don’t usually say ‘you look familiar’ but I’m so glad I did! I tend to only recognize people in their environments, ahah – how are you?”

I gave her a quick synopsis of what’s transpired over the past few months and that I plan to take the BCBA exam in August. She said, “I’m glad I ran into you – we were actually asking about you last week. Are you looking for work? We are hiring and wanted to talk with you. We know how you work and think it would be great!”

THIS IS REAL LIFE, GUYS. I’m at work and get offered work because of how awesome I was at my previous work. It took everything in me not to lose my shit right then and there. I had to keep my cool. Note to self: lose shit later.

Of course I said that would be wonderful! I’d love to ABA part time and get back to working in the CILAs and everything! She gave me her card and said to be in contact. That’s on the docket for later today.

It made me feel so incredibly validated. I was so depressed, overworked, underappreciated, cut down, disliked, you name it at my old work – to have outside people say, “Hey, we think you and what you do are awesome, come work with us” was exactly what my soul needed. Validation that what I do, what I know, how I work, how I am is GOOD. I can’t tell you how amazing that makes me feel.

I don’t want to leave the bakery and I don’t plan on it. I love what I do too much. I love designing cakes and being in the highly creative environment. It’s so much less stressful that what I was doing before. I don’t want to get caught up in that stress again. At least, not now – I’m not ready for that. I don’t think my nerves and emotions are ready to go back in to that type of work full time. I look forward to speaking with her about the possibilities and expectations later on today.

So let’s see, today I have to call the BACB and get signed up for the exam, send off all my verifications to the BACB, work on my portion of the ABA study group, work on my presentation on sustainability as a guest speaker for TCC, call the ABA lady about work, make my mom’s birthday cake and not die from this cold. Today is just an ABA kinda day, I suppose! Good stuff.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

Day 113: hair today, gone tomorrow

I *love* getting my hair done. It feels so good to get that fresh shave – it’s like a weight gets lifted whenever you cut your locks.

Finding a great stylist is actually a pretty difficult feat. A lot of people can cut hair, but not everyone can color and CARE for your hair the right way. I’ve gotten chemical burns on my scalp a few times from people who didn’t really pay attention or weren’t the most knowledgeable about the process. When my main stylist had surgery and then went on maternity leave, I had to find a new stylist. I know quite a few people in the industry, so I really had my pick of the litter. I opted to try my fellow pole sister, Amanda.

She works at a salon that’s like a solid hour from me but, let me tell you guys, it has ALWAYS been worth the drive. Every time I see her, not only is her lovely face and personality good for the soul, but I learn from her about proper care and management. She teaches me about what I can do to make sure I have a healthy head and hair. She teaches me about the composition of hair and, essentially, why we do what we do. I love that she takes the time to explain it to me… and make me look fabulous at the same time ; D

Getting your hair done is good for your soul. I always get color done. Over time the color fades, your hair grows out, and you look kinda like a slag… you kinda start to feel like one too. But once you get that fresh cut and color? Maaaannn, you feel like you can take on some shit and make it happen like a boss.

Good stuff.

Along with getting my hair done, yesterday was FULL of good things. I found out my bestest friend had her offer accepted on a house! How exciting is that? I’m beyond excited for her taking this next step in her journey. It’s so great to see how things have finally turned for the better in her life and to see her happy. That’s the shit I do like.

Another good thing that happened was a conversation to put past things in the past and move forward positively which led to…. are y’all ready for this?

I’M GOING BACK TO POLE CLASS!

After two years, it’s time to get back to the chrome. I’m super excited to make those positive steps in my journey. I’m super grateful for everyone who supported and encouraged me to take those steps. I’ve felt like a big part of me has been missing over the past few years and I’m glad to feel full and free again.

I’m especially grateful for my husband. He is really one of the greatest people on the planet. He is supportive, patient, encouraging, understanding, caring, wonderful and all other positive adjectives. I don’t think I would have made those positive steps without him. He really helps me to be the happiest me I can be, whatever that entails. I really hope that all of you get to experience a love like this.

Sometimes I have a hard time believing that it’s legit… Like it’s unreal. He is my best friend. We laugh all the freaking time. There’s like no boundaries. We can be ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, we have arguments sometimes, but that’s okay. The important thing is: after we have an argument, we come back to it and resolve it. We are very honest and transparent about how we feel and what we need. It only helps things get better. It keeps building a stronger, more solid structure. I’m excited to see how our future grows. It’s gonna be pretty great.

I think that’s about it for now.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.