070218: timelines and deadlines

The stress is real, guys.

I don’t even know where to begin. Transition, even well-planned, is a mess.

I’ve opted to go full time at the clinic. While exciting, it’s very sad – bittersweet, I suppose. I absolutely love the adults I work with and it breaks my heart to know I won’t work with them any more. I sent out emails to them all letting them know and the amount of love that has come back my way has been overwhelming and unexpected.

So that’s one transition. But of course with that comes a lot of other transitions – schedules, child care expenses, etc….

My ex-husband still doesn’t have a job. Lord help him.

The other major transition is the house which, again, has a lot of other transitions. A lot of it revolves around timing. The other part is having to go through an entire house filled with decades worth of stuff. I went through ONE bathroom closet yesterday and threw out THREE bags of garbage PLUS a bag of donations. That’s just ONE BATHROOM CLOSET. There two hallway closets, an attic, Boy Child’s closet, Doods’ whole room, the kitchen, dining room, and entire basement. It’s, um, a little overwhelming. PLUS we’re losing an entire weekend due to moving my Mom’s stuff to Nashville. I may need help sorting through everything in the house and packing. It’s one of those things that is almost stopping me before I start. I’ve tried making a plan to break it down in to more manageable steps but that makes it almost more overwhelming. I don’t know.

Husband and I are meeting with the family to help solidify a timeline of sorts on Thursday. Fingers crossed the timing lines up because…. Just pray for a good timeline.

Everything that we originally planned has been thrown up in the air.

We were also going to do an estate sale, but because the timeline is all jacked. That means we have to take pictures of everything and get it online and try to get it hustled out before we have to be out.

I’m trying to maintain a handle on things and it’s a little overwhelming. Which I knew it would be. One step at a time, I guess.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

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062518: friends are good

Friends are good.

It’s super cliche but really – laughter is the best medicine. This weekend we had a game night and it was, I think, our biggest one yet. There’s something about being surrounded by others who want to be in your company that just feels nice. It makes me really excited about moving in to the new house and having our first game night there. We will have more space and won’t be relegated to one specific area. It’ll be good.

On Sunday, I got to hang out with one of my friends. He’s a wonderful human being and I’m beyond grateful for his friendship over the past few years. He’s super creative and incredibly talented. He’s helping me build a Lego table for Boy Child to have at the new house. And by “helping me build”, it means he’s been building and I’ve been a faithful assistant ; D It’s already turning out WAY cooler than I thought. I’m super excited about the end product. It’s going to be so cool.

While the days have been great, sleeping has been a different story. The past few nights I’ve had dreams where I’m dying. I’ve been dying in weird ways too. I don’t quite remember details, I just know I’ve been dying. Not dead, just dying.

Anyway, off to work I go.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

062218: and the days go by

Some days are harder than others.

I’m really missing my Boy Child this week. There are times where having the break is nice but, for the most part, I really don’t like being away from my kids. Rather, I don’t like them being away from me.

There are some days where watching Doods get on the bus is really difficult. Sometimes I cry as soon as I close the door because I know one day – the bus will stop coming. The world of adult services is so sad and I’ve been planning for her adult life since she was four. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. If you don’t put in all the work when they’re younger, it causes so many more issues as they age and get in to adulthood. Once you get to adult services, it’s like everything comes to a screeching hault.

You don’t have extra staff, low ratios, or even color printers, laminate and velcro. You don’t have iPads or technology of any kind. You have high ratios, high behaviors, and a lot of boredom. I have to give credit where credit is due and some programs are trying – REALLY trying, but they don’t have the funding to do anything about it. They don’t have the knowledge, experience or training to do anything about it. I can’t send my kid in to that world. I can’t. And I won’t.

I worked really hard at trying to shape a program in to something I would be proud to send my kid to and had so many barriers… It burnt me out.

I miss my kids. I miss going to the park and playing with them. Now they’re at a different stage of play. Which is all well and good, just different. I want to take them to a gym and teach them how to work out. I wish I was a runner. I’m not, nor will I ever be. But I think Doods would be an excellent marathon runner. I’m not the person to coach her on that, but I think she’d be really good and enjoy it. Not exactly sure how to go about that, but I’ll find a way.

I’ve got to get my work done today. Today’s just a tough day. I’ve been fighting a lot with my brain the past few weeks. Usually I share what’s going on, but I’ve held back. I think I’ve started to feel shame or guilt about it. I guess… sharing is good, but when you share things you’re also imposing them on others… Your actions and mental illness effect others and that’s something that I’m hyper aware of.

I try to just be in the moment with what’s going on… distracting myself with the here and now, consuming myself with the details so that there isn’t any room for other thoughts to come in. Maybe that’s why I like the clinic and visits so much – I focus on every single little thing that’s going on. It’s what makes me good at what I do. You need that kind of… hyperfocus with ABA in order to really solidify the contingencies at hand. I’m proud that I’m good at what I do… But when I walk out the door and sit in my car, everything comes crashing down. I don’t have anything else to focus on. Driving, music – it’s not enough to drown out what’s going through my head.

Lately, it hasn’t so much been self-doubt or second-guessing or replaying my day, it’s been more suicidal thoughts than anything. And that’s the beauty of depression: Everything could be going super great, but your brain is still telling you something different and awful. I’ve been trying to utilize ACT strategies and it’s been helpful. They’ve been subsiding, for the most part. Just, they’re there, hanging out, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes at a bistro table in Cafe Hippocampus.

Anyway, I need to get back to working on my stuff and things.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

062018: powering down

I had a moment on Monday of being completely, utterly overwhelmed and stressed out. My wonderful, handsome husband listened patiently and calmly as I went on and on and on and on, crying from under my sunglasses, being a hot mess on our way out to dinner. I’m reaching a point where I’m starting to shut down.

I’ve been working a lot and stressing with everything… I’m just shutting down.

In other news, I’ve finally taken the steps to get Doods set up with therapy… from someone that’s NOT ME! *audible gasp* It’s time for me to step back and just… be a Mom. I’ve spent the past decade playing the role of therapist, mostly because therapy wasn’t available as an option for my kids…. Now, it is and I’m ready to take a step back and let someone else do the work and lead.

I cut Boy Child’s hair today too. I think I did an okay job. It’s definitely an at home cut, but without actually knowing what I’m doing? I’d say… it’s an okay job ; )

Somewhat related… You know how people say, “You want to give your kids a better life than you had”? That’s something that always stuck with me as the kids have been growing up. I thought that meant having a home of my own, with a backyard… therapy and care and support that they need and deserve… And that has all eaten away at me for years… I felt like – I lived in a house that my parents owned, I had a backyard that I could play in and a driveway I could ride my bike in… my kids should have that, too. And they haven’t had any of that. So I’ve felt like a failure as a parent.

But, conversely, something I didn’t really have was healthy relationship role models. I didn’t have a good sibling relationship. I didn’t have the ability to participate in things I wanted to participate in… And I feel like that’s helped me ensure that my kids have those things and that I can foster those things with them.

I look at things now and… My first marriage didn’t quite work and that’s okay. Boy Child has now seen that it’s okay when relationships don’t work out and how to be amicable when that happens. He’s seen the development and success of a different relationship and that it’s okay to move on and what a good relationship looks like. I watch the kids interact with one another and… although they’re on completely different worlds, you see the love they have for one another. They play together, laugh together… they love each other very much and it’s so clear how BC feels obligated to take care of his sister and it’s amazing and I don’t even care about how terrible this grammar is right now.

My kids have parents and bonus parents who love them very much. They have grandparents who love them and accept them for who they are, as difficult as it can be because they have so many challenges and differences. We encourage them to be who they are, as weird as they are.

We’re so close to having a home of our own. Part of me feels bad that I haven’t been able to do it sooner but… I haven’t been able to. When you have kids so young, it changes your ability to do things like “normal” people… But, I’m not normal and most of what I’ve done isn’t normal, so why should this be an exception? I can’t help feeling like… I didn’t provide enough opportunities for them to play and be outside when they were much younger…. But I don’t know that that’s true, now that I think about it… I had to be more creative. We would go to a lot of different parks… and zoos… and museums. I guess I didn’t do that terrible of a job. I’m just so excited to have a yard soon so that I don’t have to work as hard at it.

Parenting is exhausting.

I feel pretty fortunate to be in a place, now, to be able to have other people become involved in my kids’ lives in order to help them become better. It’s been a long fucking process with all kinds of struggle, but it’s worth it.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been working a lot. A LOT. And, I don’t know… I’ve had these goals and things for so long and I don’t know. I guess I’m kind of rethinking things. Maybe it’s just me shutting down because of everything. I don’t know.

What I *do* know is – I have great kids. I’m so happy to be their Mom. Being their Mom has taught me so much. It’s gotten me to a place and given me the ability to reach and help so many others. I also have an amazing husband. He is… beyond words. I try to effectively communicate and demonstrate how much I love and appreciate him but I never feel like I’m doing a good enough job. I’m doing a better job of taking care of myself, though… or at least doing a better job of recognizing it and trying to take cautionary/corrective measures. I’m still trying to be healthier, it continues to be a challenge. I’ll figure it out, I guess. And I’m pretty good at my job. I feel like I’ve finally landed on the right road.

I just need to get through all of this. And without powering down… or at least only having a minor power down. Because, really, it’s okay to power down for a little while in order to reset and effectively reboot. I just don’t want to be out of commission.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

061618: unload

Where to even begin?

I suppose I can start with “I smell burning.” For whatever reason, Doods just decided to microwave her goldfish & cheese for ENTIRELY too long. Ah, teachable moments in life.

Anyway. As time has gone on and my posts have dwindled, it’s been made very clear how necessary these entries are for me. I’ve been working upwards of 50 hours a week between both jobs and it’s left me little time for everything else. While I don’t mind being off-line, having these entries as an outlet for, well, everything, has been taking it’s toll – emotionally/psychologically.

I’ve always said: don’t do things you can’t tell others about. I’ve also said: don’t say anything you wouldn’t want others to hear. It’s a fine line for living, but it definitely keeps your integrity in check.

There’s a lot going on and I’ve been doing an OK job at handling everything. The transition of having one less person in the house has gone smoother than anticipated. My Mom graciously took Boy Child to school in the mornings on certain days, which was nice to have one less responsibility to check off on my list. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to schedule the timing quite right BUT it’s worked out well thus far.

Since my Mom moved, we haven’t had cable TV and it has been AWESOME. We’re reliant on the internet and, man, it’s great. Boy Child has been forced to engage in other activities for his free time and he’s been much more… amenable to forced family fun time (although Mario Monopoly might have something to do with it). There’s less noise in the house, too. It’s been quieter and calmer. I’m really excited to have a yard for times like this – just go, sit outside, read a book, sit under the gazebo, jump on a trampoline, go on a slip-n-slide, do ANY outdoor activity – man, that will be great. Right now we’re super limited by our concrete yard, so it’ll be nice to have more options for activities.

So speaking of yard and new house, steps have been taken to officially start the process. I talk with the bank Monday and should have Pre-Approval at that point as well as a more solid timeline on all of that. We have to move all of Mom’s stuff after the fourth of July, officially buy the house the following week and have to be out of this house by, essentially, August 1st. Sup, anxiety? I’m hoping I don’t go in to crippled anxiety mode in July because of everything and I’m thinking I need to set up my support group, like, yesterday for all of this. We have to set up an estate sale for the house as well and I just… don’t really know how the timing is going to work out for everything.

I’m going to need help. I’m going to need help packing and moving, organizing this whole estate sale thing, and getting work done to the new house (toilet, flooring, painting, and fence). We are going to need furniture, too. Of course, I already have lists and spreadsheets for everything but it’s getting it all done in the janky time table we have that makes it extra exciting. Throw in the mix that we may have to share space in the new house with someone for a little while and it’s EXTRA extra exciting. Again: hoping I don’t go in to crisis mode in July.

I’ve told the clinic what’s going on and I’m hoping to maintain sanity, but who knows? I’ve been talking with them about going full time as well. I really like the clinic, a lot. I like working from home and having flexibility, too. BUT, there’s definitely something to having a set schedule and a place to “leave” your work. They’re very accommodating and flexible and I really enjoy being around the littles again. It’s just different. I like working with adults as well. I just like working with anyone who needs help, really ; 3 It’s all about trying to find the right work-life balance and I *think* I’m teetering on the edge of figuring out what that looks like for me. It’s only taken a few decades.

Since I’ve been working so much and have all of this life stuff, I’m behind on my personal research project. Kinda bummed about that. Yes, everyone, my fun free time activity is doing research. Aren’t I the most exciting person?! But, in all fairness, that’s where my husband comes in – he “forces” me to do other things that regular people do…Like sleep, eat, or go to a wrestling show. It all works out.

Overall, things are moving in a positive direction. Of course there have been days where I’ve been completely stopped in my tracks by my brain going “Nah, I don’t think so, not today.” But you do your self-care (this time it was binging on “Grand Designs”) and keep on with life.

Last night, I passed out at like 715 in my clothes with my contacts in and was woken up 12 hours later by my husband. Guess I needed that sleep. Apparently boy child came in, gave me a kiss on my forehead, and said goodnight. He’s a great kid. A little tangential, slightly weird, but a great kid – I wouldn’t change him for the world.

Well, I need to get it together a little and go to the grocery store.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

060418: and it goes a little somethin’ like this

I just realized it’s been a little over two months since my last post. Sorry about that. A lot has been happening in this neck of the woods and it’s slowed down for approximately one nanosecond so I can update on the shenanigans.

So what has been happening?

God, where to begin… Well, I started working part-time at a clinic with littles about a month ago. So far, so good! I really like being there and working with the kiddos. It’s been about 5 years since I’ve worked with littles and it’s really great to be back in an incidental teaching type environment and getting back to basics. It really reminds me of how important early intervention is. It’s just a contrast to my main position working with adults. Honestly, it couldn’t be more different. But it’s good – one fuels the other. Working two jobs has presented its challenges, though. I shifted my schedule in hopes that working two days instead of three days will be better overall. Time will tell, but I’m enjoying it – very much.

My Mom got a new job down in Nashville and moved this past weekend. We’re really excited for her to make this huge step! We’ll be taking the rest of her stuff in about a month or so. It’ll be nice to see her and her new place and all that fun stuff. It’s an adjustment to her not being around all the time, but it’s all good. Boy child had a bit of a meltdown yesterday, but we worked through it. I told him it’s okay to be sad, but it’s not okay to be angry and take it out on others. The water works flowed for a straight 10 minutes. It’s hard to see your kid sad or in pain. Little butt head made me cry too. My Mom used to say the same thing – not the butt head part, but the seeing your kid sad part. I used to think she was nuts (I was right about that), but I totally get it now (because I, too, am nuts).

We are close to buying the new-old house. We are getting quotes for various work this month. I’m buying the house mid-July. Then we’re pulling the trigger on all the work end of July and moving in around my birthday – happy birthday to me, a house! This past weekend, Husband and I sat and designed the rooms – color schemes, layouts, floor plans, etc. We need to get actual measurements to do some better planning, but overall we have a solid idea/direction. We also started packing this weekend – books, mostly. I have a LOT of books, woof.

What else… oh, both computers took a complete and utter shit at the same time, so that made things really interesting. I had to buy a new computer and our tower just got fixed by our supremely awesome computer whiz friendo. So that’s a thing… the printer we have doesn’t work with either computer either, so we are going to try Husband’s printer and hopefully THAT works… otherwise it looks like I’m getting a printer too. Hrrumph.

I had to have a colonoscopy which is… well, the test itself is nothing – the prep though, ugh. You have to have anesthesia as well. Because I have mild/moderate Raynaud’s, was dehydrated, and in a super fucking cold room, they couldn’t find my veins… So I look like I got in to a fist fight with a needle and lost. I have giant bruises on my hand and arm. Ridiculous. The test, thus far, came out fine – nothing major. Took some biopsies and should know the results this week. SO, we don’t know why I get fatigued, nauseous, seizures and hip pain… still. My body is an ENIGMA.

Kids are doing well. Doods is done with school, Boy Child is in his last week. I have an awesome care provider for the summer and I absolutely love her. Doods will start ESY next week and BC will have drama camp then carpentry camp, essentially. Kid is gonna hammer a nail through his hand, swear to god. It’ll make for a good story though.

Um, what else… I’m going to be setting up therapy services for Doods next month. Or at least get the ball rolling with it since it usually takes about a month from intake to start date. She’s been losing skills as was evidenced when her care provider and I probed her this past week. If you don’t use it, you lose it…. So we’re gonna stop that nonsense.

Once we get in to the new house, I’m going to look in to a few different fitness class options that I’ve been super interested in. Fuck this body, I’m gonna do the best I can with what I’ve got. We went to a wedding over Memorial Day weekend (which was lovely and super fun) at Starved Rock. I tried to do the hiking but my body was just full of middle fingers at the activity, so I couldn’t do as much as I wanted. PLUS I had to save my body for dancing, you know. I danced my ass off. I couldn’t really move the rest of the night after I stopped and most of the next day but it was 1000000000% worth it – got the funk down to the Low Down Brass Band. So sweaty. So good.

I think that brings everything up to speed. I’ve been doing pretty okay overall. I’ve definitely had some ups and downs over the past two months, though. Some days have been REAAALLY difficult. Thankfully, my husband is understanding and supportive and wonderful and deals with me appropriately. There have been some days where I was like I NEED TO WRITE. I NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM. But the computers were broken and I didn’t want to type from my phone so it manifested in other unhealthy ways.

We’re going to be having one last game night at the red ranch house in a few weeks. Then hopefully a belated birthday/housewarming bonanza at the new-old house ; D I hopefully everyone is doing well out there in interwebs land.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

040918: imposter, get it together

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like a complete fraud?

I have those days a lot. Days where I feel like an imposter, like I don’t really fit in anywhere but people believe I do and I feel like one day I’m going to be found out.

I had an interview earlier today for a clinic to work with littles. It’s a really exciting opportunity to get to learn a whole nother side of ABA that’s not currently available to me. I’m going to pursue it, because I like to learn and I like little kids. But heading to the site I couldn’t help but feel like I’m a fake.

I was thinking: What DO you know, really? Do you even know ANYTHING? You couldn’t do ABA if your life depended on it. What makes you think that you can really do this job and help others? You’re pretty much someone who fails upwards. Why should people listen to you? You don’t know anything. And so on and so forth.

So I have to try and pep talk myself – but you DO know things. You have degrees, certifications, clients making progress, staff who enjoy working with you, your kids – you’re good. Sure, there’s still a lot to learn but that’s the whole point of this – get in there and learn all you can so that it’s not an area of deficit.

Somehow the negative always wins… Even though I have degrees and certifications, my brain is saying “You’re an idiot” – even though, logically, I know I’m totally not. I’m not sure how to fix that.

I really appreciate being a position to develop my own schedule. I really like having flexibility and being able to say yes and no to different things… and sometimes feeling like shit and not doing any work that day. It’s a beautiful freedom. It’s a beautiful freedom that I have had to bust my ass to be able to do. I’m grateful for that.

I need to get it together and focus. I have to get work done.

Sometimes I think about everything I want to do or get done and it’s so overwhelming that I just…. don’t do any of it. I think it’s helpful for me to have a busier schedule… in a way, it forces me to schedule my time. With this current gig, I can schedule for the most part but sometimes things come up and that changes. I wish I had more people/opportunities to learn more stuff. I feel like such a noob in this field. Which, really, I totally am. I’ll figure it out, I guess. I have to.

Okay, I think I’m going to make some tea & get myself situated for the rest of the day. I’m going to finish this behavior plan, write out my house rules meeting plan for tomorrow, and pound out another chapter or two of vocab in to Quizlet. To do lists are fantastic. So is tea.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

040618: ya wanna wrastle?

Life has a way of throwing curve balls at me, nonstop.

Just balls. All the time. Comin’ at me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy the idea of balls in my face but if something could go smoothly for just like… a few weeks, that would be super amazing. However, then it wouldn’t be my life.

So, what’s going on now? Well, my Mom lost her job yesterday. It puts us in a little pickle. We should be okay for about two months. If the unemployment extends longer than that, well.. decisions will have to be made, I suppose. One step at a time with that.

Health wise, I’ve actually been doing a LOT better. I’ve been eating a relatively bland diet for the past few weeks and I’ve definitely noticed improvements (and non-improvements). I decided to treat myself yesterday with a cup of fancy coffee and that was a HUGE mistake. Now we know, coffee is out of the picture. SAD DAY. Either that or I’ll take an entire package of Imodium before drinking a small cup of fancy coffee to balance out my butthole evacuations. Yin to the yang.

In other news, if you’re in to wrestling or are in a relationship with someone who’s in to wrestling, then you’re well aware that this weekend is Wrestlemania. What that means for me is an evening without Husband and Boy Child. What that really means is – I can pound out some more work with a relatively low-key household.

In light of the upcoming event, last night’s pre-sleep musings ran to Wrestlemania.

Me: If you were a wrestler, what would your name be? How about Beardman Magoo.

Husband: Beardman Magoo? That sounds so stupid. No… I’d be Dad Bod.

Me: Your finishing move could be the Time Out… or You’re GROUNDED.

Husband: Or Cowman McGillicuddy

Me: Oh, so Beardman Magoo is stupid, but Cowman McGillicuddy ISN’T?? Oh! Just think! You could have a move where you “milk” the competition!

Husband: Come out with a stool.

Me: A stool?

Husband: Yeah, a stool. For milking. Gotta sit to milk.

Me: Oh, yeah. I think I like Cowman more than Dad Bod. PLUS Cowman could have a breakaway stool AND a cattle prod.

Husband: Breakaway stool? I’m in to it.

*about a minute of silence*

Husband: Dad Bod’s finishing move could be saying he’s going to go get a pack of cigarettes and never returning.

Me: OR he could return but with a mask or something, like Kane. AND HE COULD BE THE SECRET DAD OF ANOTHER WRESTLER. And no one would know who he is!

Husband: Jesus.

Me: Yeah, he could be… John DOUGH. Get it? ’cause of the Dad Bod?

Husband:…

Me: What would the son be?

Husband: the Dough Boy?

Me: Well, no, because John Dough is the secret identity of Dad Bod so his son wouldn’t know that John Dough is actually his dad.

Husband: I don’t know then… Taint? His name could be Taint.

Me: It’d have to be THE Taint, not just Taint. Think of the announcer: “and now, TAAAIINNTTT” It just doesn’t flow or have any real crowd power versus “and now, THHHEE TTAAAIINNNTT”

 

Husband: Then one day he finds out that’s his dad and they could go on and be a tag team. This whole story line is going now! And now I’m going to sleep.

NOTE: This post is in no way discriminatory against wrestlers, taints, bajingos, absentee fathers, dad bods, cowboys, bearded fellas, or cows.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

040418: back on the wagon and the return of Geoff & Lucy

Okay. I’m mid-completion of my supervisor course, I’ve looked up the contacts for the sign language interpreter program, I’m feeling less like death, and this Orange Spice tea is absolutely delicious. I felt really behind because of being sick for the past few weeks. However, I feel like I’m getting back on track and getting things done. It really starts to mess with you when you’re down and out for so long – you can’t do anything, you don’t have the energy, you can’t concentrate, you get depressed, it’s just… no fun.

Anyway, I’m getting back on track. I set up a zoom (video call) with a respected leader in Illinois for ABA. Pretty stoked about that! I have to come up with a list of questions for her. I don’t want to go in to the conversation empty-handed. I want to make the most of the conversation. I don’t think it’s going to be a one-stop shot, but I’d like to make it a good conversation to start with. It’s really great to reach out to people in your field and pick their brains. Get some guidance. Some insider info.

I’ve also reached out to a few different places to try and set up research opportunities. You know what’s annoying? When you write an email that consists of TWO things, TWO, ad they only respond to ONE. And that response includes a question. So you answer it and restate your second thing… they respond…. but only to one thing, ignoring that other piece – AGAIN. That doesn’t really bode well.

Anyway: looking in to research opportunities? check. looking in to SL program? check. working on supervisor course? check. Things are on the move.

The other night, I had a pre-sleep conversation with Husband. Of course this was super important information, so I need to share it with you.

Scene: laying in bed

Me: what are the bumps on your nipples called?

Husband: I don’t know… areolas?

Me: no, no they aren’t called areolas – areola is the fancy name for the whole nip nap. What are the BUMPS called?

Husband: uh, mini nipples?

Me: No, it can’t be mini nipples. Mini nipples are an actual thing – they’re extra nipples. I’m just talking about the bumps.

Husband: (silence)

Me: Do you think that maybe the bumps are like braille and there’s actually a hidden message in our nipples?

Husband: What? No.

Me: Yeah, I mean, what if it’s like… palm reading, except it’s braille nipples…. or ball sacks. What if you could tell the future by the veins on your ball sack? IMAGINE THE FORTUNE TELLER. Imagine the lady you go to see, Madame Clairvoyance, and she has to touch your hands, balls, and nipples in order to tell you the future….. It’d probably be really good AND you could negotiate a happy ending while you’re at it.

Husband:….

Me: THEN when you’re done, you would go outside to the backyard and Geoff and Lucy would be waiting to greet you with an ivy scarf they made. It all comes full circle.

Husband: You’re an idiot, go to sleep.

Like I said, guys, this important stuff. Fortune telling nipple braille. It’s a thing of the future, just you wait and see. I’m tempted to have someone who knows braille read my nipples. They probably say I’m really great. Just a hunch.

NOTE: This post is no way discriminatory against the blind, fortune-tellers, wolves, squirrels or the AETA. (Don’t know what that’s about? Refer back to 031618: Riding bad ass bears, Geoff & Lucy)

Anyway, that’s what I’ve got for today.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.

032718: zoning out

Today I am venturing out on a number of visits. I’m hoping my body cooperates. Gonna load up on bananas and Imodium to get through today.

I have to get myself motivated. Being down and out for over a week is a little killer. Speaking of killer, I’ve been watching Dexter. I watched the first two seasons and I think I’m done with that show. It was interesting but not enough to keep me viewing for all 8 seasons. It’s predictable. Some of the characters are portrayed tremendously well – like I know these people, like Batista or, ironically, Dexter. Other characters are… well, they aren’t played tremendously well like Doakes or Deb. The actor who plays Doakes just tries to hard. With Deb, I don’t necessarily think it’s the actress but rather the scripting. Every curse feels forced and unnatural. I also just don’t like her character – she clearly has a Daddy complex. I could go on, butttttt I don’t think I want to.

In other news, husband and I talked about different dietary things last night. I looked up bland diet. I decided to try and keep a log of everything. I don’t want to walk in to the GI without any information other than “hey, everything hurts and I’m poopin’ all the time.” Gonna be a good patient and track what’s happening. It’s a pain in the ass, but necessary. Helps speed along the process.

I keep zoning out.

I really want to eat something other than a banana.

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you exist.