My posts have been dwindling to weekly as of late.
I’ve been studying like crazy, working like crazy, and mommying crazies. It’s a busy life.
Our furnace went out Monday morning, which was fun and exciting. I got very little work in before the heating guys came. I was supposed to go on all kinds of visits Tuesday. However, I stayed back in Siberia with Pupperella almost all day to cram in two days of work and a visit. This morning I had Dood’s IEP.
I am tired, guys. Physically, emotionally, brain…y. I’m tired.
I’m on Day 15 of the BDS Train. 15 days doesn’t really seem like a long time, but doing something for approximately 2-5 hours every day for 15 days ON TOP of everything else is exhausting. I don’t have time or opportunity to miss, either. I am passing this exam, damnit.
At GC’s IEP, we tried to brainstorm ways of giving her sleep meds. The only new solution to try is crushing it up and putting it in ice cream. Anything for a consistent sleep pattern. It’s really wearing on your body.
I don’t like the school social worker. Every year at her IEP I see him. Every year he comes in for about ten minutes before he is to speak, makes REALLY generic statements and leaves. I can tell that he has NO idea who my child is and really has nothing of value to say. Say your bullshit and get out, you’re not valuable to me and my daughter isn’t of value to you…. considering you don’t even use her name once in the entire time you’re speaking. I’m not an idiot. I can tell you’re just listening to prior conversation and using those bits for your “input” on how she is doing. This guy irritates me.
People like that guy irritate me and I see it all the time. I want to punch them in the face. If you don’t care, why are you there? Get out. Let someone else do it. At least have the decency to learn their name. Those of us who truly know an individual can you’re bullshitting, who do you think you’re kidding? Irritating.
The rest of the meeting went well. She is making progress on her goals. Working on addition and subtraction with regrouping, like a boss. Working on answering “Wh” questions. Working on yes/no, multiple features, and increasing functional communication. Working on writing more legibly. Working on not being a jerk and running out of the room. All necessary things
It was a rough start of the year, but it’s clearly gotten better. If there’s one thing I can attest to – white women, you need to learn how to be firm. Quit being namby pambies.
I’m not saying be mean, but be firm. Give a directive and mean it. I don’t understand why white women have difficulty asserting themselves. I told them, just tell Kaylee, “All done, time to go” in a firm, neutral voice. It works. Don’t say, “okay, time is up, let’s go Kaylee, you need to stand up, blah blah blah blah” all sing-songy. She knows better. She’s a smart kid and will lay there literally laughing at you because she’s not going anywhere.
I’m sure this carries over in to other aspects of life, as well. It’s perfectly fine to be assertive. Say no. Say that’s not okay. Because IT’S OK.
We have to come up with all kinds of ancillary strategies to support her behavior because people (a) aren’t firm and/or (b) don’t wait long enough for a response. I’m in a mood, I guess.
I’m tired. I’ve been cold. I’ve had a headache for a few days. Other things. Like I said, I just feel all kinds of tapped.
I usually walk away from my kids’ IEPs reeling with joy about how great things have been going and the direction they’re headed in, but just not really this time. I like the progress she has made. I like the direction we are going in. I’m not thrilled about her having a behavior plan, but that’s okay. It’s not the matter of having a behavior plan that’s the issue (I mean, I’m a behavior analyst, so let’s be serious), I suppose it’s… it’s not necessarily Kaylee’s fault that she has a plan. If that makes sense. They haven’t appropriately responded to/reinforced her behavior and that’s where we’re at now.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being *that* parent.
If she needs support, she needs support. I totally get and agree with that. But like…. if you aren’t setting up and following through with your contingency, is that really her fault? She’s behaving in a way that’s expected. She is such an easy kid to read. You know exactly what she is doing and why. She knows who will allow her to engage in behaviors and who will not. They continually call on her S-deltas (meaning people who signal reinforcement is not available at this time). BUT at the SAME time – THEY are her preferred people.
So, she wants to go to the OT room. She requests the OT room. They can’t go to the OT room. She elopes to the OT room.
Teacher goes to get her. Doods knows – she’s not going any where, so she’s going to do what she needs to do to keep the teacher away from her. She ALSO knows if she hangs out in the OT room long enough, she gets attention from one of her preferred people as they tell her it’s time to go back to class.
SO, she gets to go to the OT room AND see her favorite people (even if it’s just to walk across the hall) – it’s double whammy deluxe for her. All kinds of win on her end.
All kinds of NOT win for EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED.
Should she stay in the room? yes.
Should she not elope? yes.
Should she not kick, hit or spit at people? yes.
Should she use her communication instead of all the above? absolutely.
So we’re going to try a few things to help with the situation and see what happens. I guess I’m just annoyed that it got to this point. HOWEVER I can EASILY see how the last person you want to listen to is one of the people who pinned you to the floor shortly after you met them. So there’s that, too.
I don’t quite mind the plan as it incorporates a lot of good, solid strategies. I did express my concern about the judgement of the RBT who will be working with her… The same one who decided to put her in a restraint at the beginning of the year.
So help me, sweet golden fleecy baby jesus, if it happens again I will…. not be pleased.
The RBT ALSO filled out incorrect paperwork stating that Kaylee was in an Isolated Time Out at the start of the year…. which none of us were aware of and they are looking in to. It may be for a different kid and somehow ended up in her data (which doesn’t really bode well). OR if there WAS an ITO, I should have been notified immediately… which, since none of us knew about it, means that didn’t happen.
I’m just not too excited about that.
The BCBA and I had a nice chat after the IEP though. She wished me luck on my exam and commended my comments on Kaylee’s last proposed BSP. So that was nice.
I’m just tired. And getting progressively less cold as the new heater was installed today.
Sometimes I really wish I could just have a conversation with Kaylee.
It’s getting there. I know she understands me. I told her to be nice to her teacher. I told her to listen to her teacher. I told her not to run out of the room, stay in her classroom, and be nice to her teacher. I know she understood because she started to get sad. I told her I loved her, it’s okay, and she needs to be nice to her teacher.
I hope there’s a day where she can really tell me things. I really hope there’s a day where she spontaneously comes up to me and says I love you, Mama. or Mommy, I hurt. Or when she will tell me I want to go. or oh, that’s cool! I want that! She does it now in her own way but it’s so much different to hear it. I think and hope and work towards the day when that happens. Maybe I’m just setting myself for disappointment, but at least I can say I tried.
My kids and their success is my biggest accomplishment. I can have all the degrees, all the letters, and all the certifications but it means absolutely nothing. None of it is more meaningful than knowing I’ve gotten my kids to be their best, most independent, and happiest person they can be. That’s all that really matters anyway, right?
I think I can safely say they’re both pretty happy kids. I hope it stays that way.
I could go on, but I’ll stop.
I think I’ll make myself a cup of coffee and force love upon my children. I’ll intermittently study, but my kids are always my priority. Even though I want and need to study, spending time with my kids is the most important. I feel guilty when I don’t. Like now.
Okay, I think I’m tapped for now. I think I need to give my brain a few hour break before I have real problems.
Thanks for stopping by.
I am glad you exist.